A Depressing Morning

Today started as a depressingly lazy Sunday. I woke with the feeling that I’m not doing anything with my life (which really can put a damper on one’s mood).

The problem is I don’t see anything that’s wrong with me at the current time. Sure, the lack of a job is pretty disheartening, but it’s not the end of the world. I think my biggest problem is I’m still sad about it being five months since I’ve seen my boyfriend. Long-distance relationships suck.

College is a really big bummer, too. Financial aid gave me the short end of the stick by conveniently losing one of the forms I had to submit back in the fall and never telling me about it. Plus, the only reason why I’m staying in school right now is to defer the loans from Purdue.

Everyone always asks me what I want to do with my life, and the same response I give every single time is that I want to be a flight instructor. Then they proceed to ask what college degree I need in order to achieve that goal. After I’m done laughing, I loudly exclaim “none!” That’s what ticks me off about the whole thing – I’m spending money to save money.

I would love nothing more than to take all the money spent on college tuition and textbooks, and put it toward my IFR rating. Flying used to be my way of leaving the world behind and pretended nothing existed except fuel gauges and landing strips. Now it seems like the world is doing everything it can to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. And that sucks.

State of the status update…

“I don’t remember the last time I wrote in here.”

It seems a fair amount of my blog posts begin with that sentence.  Often times I wonder why I stop writing in here.  There’s always something on my mind and writing is one of my strongest abilities.  Then again, there are other times when I start writing in here because I have nothing to do.

My other blog for my temporary time here at Purdue is completely stale. I could probably write in it until my fingers fell off.  However, if I’m not getting any readership whatsoever, it makes the process a little less fun.

Things are going a little weirdly here in Indiana.  I’ve been doing a lot of thinking (always a problem for me :P) and have settled on the fact that I will not be able to afford a full four year service here at Purdue.  If I try to do so I’ll leave here with well over $150,000 in debt.  There are numerous factors besides money that are also leading me to consider dashing out of here with my associate’s degree and numerous pilot ratings and endorsements.

Brady and I have been talking about this to no end.  There isn’t a day that goes by where the subject doesn’t come up, even if only for a few minutes.  He wants to do ATC on the east coast, preferably in the Northeast.  Why?  He loves it back there and he wants me to be near my family.  If there’s a specific part of the U.S. where the vast majority of my family is located, it’s in New England.  Smart boy.  Hehe.

New Hampshire is the state of choice for both of us.  He likes the idea of trying to work for either Manchester Airport or Boston’s Logan Intl.  The possibilities for a job with air traffic control are endless, but the main trick is finding a place that’s actually looking to hire someone.  My reason for liking NH is the fact that it has both mountains AND the ocean, and I have a lot of opportunities myself for either finishing up my schooling or diving right into the aviation world full-time.  All of my connections are back that way and I’m sure I’d have no problem finding a job.

I guess the reason why this idea is coming up is solely based on money (and the limitations of it thereof).  Growing up means making big decisions for yourself, and my biggest one so far was leaving New York behind to come out here.  The next big one might be leaving here and walking down a new road with an inevitable fork in it.  Either way I know I’ve got the support of a ton of people, and that’s what matters the most.

Strange blog posting session aside, I’m going to wrap this up and get back to reading.  Thinking about writing another post sometime later this week on religious tolerance as a result of an experience I had earlier in the week.  Leave it to some people here at Purdue to shove a bible in someone’s face….

Till then,

Me.

What to write when you don’t know what to write.

That’s something I’ve been trying to figure out for a long time.  Unfortunately I have yet to come up with the answer.  Till then, you have to deal with endless ramblings of a slightly different caliber.

The ten days since my last post has brought little excitement, save for this weekend.  I’m currently sitting on my precalc notebook and textbook, which are strategically placed atop my chair (for whatever reason I know not of).  I’m also staring at my mess of a desk, half expecting it to clean and organize itself.  So far, no good.

I went down to Vassar College with my aunt and grandmother to see my cousin, a senior, play rugby on Saturday.  A beautiful day for the sport, indeed.  I enjoyed watching the game very much… even convinced my cousin to put in a good word to the rugby coach if I was interested in applying to Vassar in the coming months (which I intend to do).  I have no intention of retaking the SAT test at all, so I suppose I’ll need all the help I can get if I plan on applying to these higher-end schools.

I’m still a bit concerned about college.  I no longer have the anxiety I did before about the regents exams… I learned Wednesday that I need not take the chemistry regents at all because all that is required is three science credits and two regents exams.  So that helps.  A lot.

I thought a lot about Vassar throughout last night and today.  The campus is beautiful, the library is breathtaking, and I could really see myself attending the college for four years and enjoying myself in the process.  I’m still considering majoring in photography or writing.  I’d like to be able to fly corporate jets such as Citations or Gulfstreams for my main career while having something minor to fall back on.  Can only focus on what I’m good at, I suppose.

I should probably pay less attention to writing in here and more attention to the two power points I’m supposed to be making.  One on McCain and his economic policies and another one on quantum mechanics.

Politics = good… physics = not so good.

Such is life.

It’s been awhile…

I’ve been wretched in the way of keeping up with this thing.  I am well aware of that.  It’s not like I’m being pressed to it… I mean, hardly anyone ever reads this thing.  I’m not stuck to a time clock when writing in here.  Luckily.

I made a valiant attempt to write a decent post in here back in August, but it didn’t work out so well.  Saved it in the draft folder and it has been sitting there ever since… no point in publishing it now.  On that note, we’ll forget about the summer completely… it’s not like anything exciting happened.  For the most part.

I’m already eight days into the school year and it seems strange.  I feel like my head is a big swimming pool and I’m doing laps but I can’t get to the edge to take a break for five seconds.  The concept of being a senior just doesn’t sit well with me, I guess.  Ever since the first day I’ve felt downright weird.  Maybe it’s the realization that college isn’t so far away and I haven’t done a damn thing to prepare for it.  Maybe it’s the fact that I still have a chemistry and math b regents to pass in January (hoping against hope).  I think that’s one of the main things that’s bothering me at the moment – the feeling that I still have those two tests hanging over my head.  Math and chem didn’t work out so well for me last year, especially with the regents exams.  I managed to escape both classes with an overall average of 80, but failed the exams.  History and English seem to be my stronger points, unfortunately.

I’m not a very stressed person.  Rarely do I ever bury myself in situations where I feel I’m stuck in the corner with no way out.  However, there are times when I get a bit stressed out… and when I do, it isn’t pretty.  I suppose this isn’t a very good start to my last year in the public schooling system, but there isn’t much I can do about it.  Well, there is, but that’s beside the point.

One would think that being able to type this out would make one feel better.  But in my case it makes me feel even more like an idiot.  Believe it or not, my nose is bleeding now.  I guess I’m building up a bunch of pressure in my head from thinking too much.  That’s just sad.  Now what – I’m turning into Le Chiffre?  Am I going to start bleeding from the eyes?  Great.

Anyway, I think it’s best to publish this and stop thinking for the night.  One nosebleed is good enough for me.

Killing time in the school library….

I’m so proud… it seems like my attempt to advertise my work on here is paying off!  Many new blog hits!

Now all I need is for people to actually buy something.  Heh heh.

I was considering making a whole new blog for the sole purpose of photography, but that might be a bit of a pain.  But I was willing to do it for the Amazon affiliates whim of mine… so why can’t I put the effort into doing one for photography?  Hah… therein lies the question.

Maybe I’ll do it right now… all I’m trying to do at the moment is kill time here in the library because I have nothing better to do nor a better place to be.  Ho-hum.

Right-o… I’ll get to it!

Stay tuned for a link.  And be sure to check it out!

Click the link… or else!!! =D

So the little note yesterday in here didn’t work out so well.  I had an afterthought, though, and figured that it would’ve been more effective if I had put a link to a picture instead of the profile on there… because apparently people are becoming very lazy and their willingness to explore a little bit has diminished drastically.

No worries.  I have a solution.  And because the “insert link” thing isn’t working, everyone gets stuck with the terrible eyesore that is a massively long link — http://www.imagekind.com/Showartwork.aspx?IMID=f9719655-5053-4e2e-904e-8a18ca793abb

Sorry, but blame the school computer.  Not my fault it sucks.

Anyway, go visit that site.  It’s my favorite photograph… of mine, anyway.  =D